when ones word is not good enough

I get questioned a lot not just in my job but also in the volunteer work I do. I am finding if some people do not like to hear the answer they go fishing else where, what is that? Now that I work in the hospital, some wish to go to the new CEO with the same questions, he is even perplexed about this practice, especially when I tell him that I feel that I have answered these before. The comment was even made, that he received 2 phone calls both asking the same questions and I stated that this is common practice, they have obviously gotten together formulated the questions and called separately. They are on a fishing expedition, I have told others in confidence that I will not reveal their names for offering us assistance and this I will not divulge and no one respects this. Should one feel affronted about this?

I refuse to hand over information others have asked me to keep confident. I understand this terminology and have given everybody the information regarding these issues, handed out direct contacts but I will not give the names of people who wish to remain anonymous what reason would I do that. The people looking for this information though in positions where they need to maintain a high level of privacy & confidentiality there are some pretty big leaks. Why is confidential information sharing ok for some and not for others. I will not give in to these requests, not to anyone. I respect these people and I want them to respect my word of secrecy for I value the assistance they can give us.

It doesn’t make me feel offended I actually laugh at the fact that people can not respect my word. It is obviously not good enough and some feel (perhaps I am unsure as I have no idea of their motives ) their position gives them rights. Perhaps they want to ‘out’ me as a liar or not telling the truth. Why can is just not be that there are some people who want to help and not want people to know, their motives are pure in deed and action but just do not want the publicity. I will continue to work and maintain this privacy at all costs, it is not making me friends but with friends like that as they say – who needs enemies.

Behaviour… what’s acceptable?

This week seems to have been a week for me, one that should I have to repeat I will ‘opt out’. If I had to give it a score I would give it a 1 being that 1 is awful and 10 is to replay as often as one can and with gusto. So for me to have a 1 week is really unusual and a bitter pill to swallow, yet swallow it I did. Don’t mistake me there has been in the words of Bob Downe “Shiny Bright’s” dotted throughout, these have kept me grounded and happy but this week I have shed tears.

It has been hard to keep smiling when all you want to do is cry, the actions of others has brought back moments in my life I have wanted to forget, it has been terrible. At the time of one of the incidents I never thought it would still be with me almost 20 yrs later. It was something a ‘friend’ stated to me (in jest – in defence of this friend) in front of young children and to this day, it gets repeated back to me and every time I hear it I want to slap my friend in the face. It was a joke made in reference to my work, Pete the dog and child and where in my priority list they were placed. I worked hard as a single parent with no support from the other parent, financial or otherwise, I gave up nursing (which I loved ) to go in to sales to support my daughter and give her the education I was given, yes by choice and yes with pleasure but I had to travel, educate and do things ¬†other parents didn’t. I had to give up assemblies, plays and sometimes things I desperately wanted to be at. For those parents reading this and had to travel, there is nothing like being stuck at an airport, on a plane, in a taxi rank or just plain stuck and missing out is there? I was lucky, I have a wonderful family that picked up the slack and still do so I knew that there was support and proud smiling faces in audiences.

by Friday this week I had been hung up on, (gotta love that action) by more than 1 person when they didn’t want me to finish talking, I have been yelled out, things thrown into sinks in anger and been left standing at a function without so much as a word, just a shake of the head as I watched them walk away. It has inferred that I have not been telling the truth when I have promised something and a 3rd party has been unable to complete their end of a deal. This is by far no fault of the 3rd person as we know life throws obstacles in the way and ‘shit’ happens. But this is not the fault of the person who has arranged it so therefore one should not be expected to be accused that one is not telling the truth. I hate how when things do not turn out the way other people think they should one is accused of not being honest. I have most of my life tried to be as honest as I can, it is human nature not to tell the whole truth to save someone’s feelings, to not get into trouble to try to fix a situation before it becomes a nightmare. Most times things go left of centre but you have to suck that up and admit when you have done wrong. One thing I have never done is held a grudge or repeated incidents from times past to ‘win’ and argument. But by fuck I am soooooooooooooooo sick of being at the end of people’s actions.

The highlights have been just that high lights, I have worked at Keith Hospital and like it very much, I was able to meet a special person who has gone out of his way to donate something to Keith Hospital. I have had an Action Group meeting where I was publicly thanked for all my volunteer hours and told what a great job I was doing. I have been able to offer someone employment and she is excited to be joining the team. I have walked, spent time with Pete, the dog and been able to off load on my sister, without having that support I would have been a wreck. I have shed tears in private when no body has seen or been able to comment, there are things one can not say to a partner, a child nor a friend for fear of judgement and long-term consequences like the above example.

I am a person that tries not to carry much with me but I think this week has been harder than most. To all, think about how you would feel and treat each other like this, it may be hard but it also shows respect for people you love and want in your life.


Does it all get too hard?…

I heard Amanda Blair finished up on radio today, she has been thinking over the last six months about picking her children up from school, working in the canteen and just generally being Mum. What a gift for her to be able to have the choice, she resigned and left what we would consider quickly. Then Wendy Harmer wrote an article on her about how Amanda was the only female radio host with her own show on commercial radio. how sad is that on International Women’s Day she finishes up..

I have enjoyed Amanda’s radio stints over the years and though have not agreed with all of her opinions, comments, guests and segments it has made for interesting radio. Isn’t that what thinking, working women want, a woman’s woman where we can secretly agree and disagree, where one woman – Amanda can put it out there and say “there I said it’. She would stand by her words and deeds and therefore should have been encouraged to stay (in my opinion). But she is correct you can never get the time back and they only children for a while, it passes in the blink of any eye. She is one of South Australia’s major charity fund-raisers and will continue doing this, a very admirable trait, if only some of her male counterparts were so generous with their time and ‘personality’

Does it get too hard this working mother bit? I think it does, there were times when I wanted to have 5 minutes peace and couldn’t find it except in sleep, even now I find it hard. I love seeing my daughter and I happily travel to Adelaide to spend time with her, I wish I could do it more, but between work at the hospital, my work in the shop and my volunteer hours as well as help out on the farm I sometimes feel I am wearing myself too thin. I get forgetful, get absorbed in my life away from Adelaide and I miss out. This be my fault you say and I agree.

I wish Amanda nothing but the best on her career decision – I believe being a full-time mother to 4 children is a career and may we hear her back on our airways soon. Now 5AA if you want another opinionated loud mouth, you know where to find me

Tiresome Tuesdays

I get to this stage of my week and sometimes I am over it and others I feel invigorated to keep going and achieve. It has been a LONG month for me. I feel I haven’t really had a break despite closing the shop for the month of January. I think it just rolled over from last year with the Keith Hospital Ute Muster, I never really stopped and took stock. I just did, it is an exciting journey this volunteer business fund raising position that I do, but sometimes I feel the weight on my shoulders is too great.

I am an advocate of health care of ones self and others and as I feel tired & jadded, I went for some fasting blood tests this morning. Results will be in Friday, they will tell the picture of my inner workings not the outer. Today I may look ok, have a smile on my face, but I have had to pick myself up and shake it to restart the Keith Hospital Cook Book recipe drive, Arkaba Hotel Ladies High tea searching for an SA vineyard to co-sponsor it. I also need to follow up on the commitment from a local community member who has agreed to put up the funds for a car so that we can raffle it, chase the car company and ensure all of the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in order to proceed. I have had assistance from a girlfriend in helping me to secure a travel prize as second prize but need to move this all along quickly. I am also writing a business proposal that will assist the hospital & community members in bringing services and clients to our hospital encompassing all and this needs to be complete by the end of the day. To ensure the launch on February 9th goes smoothly and the people we want to attend get sufficient notice of their required attendance.

Along with all of this I have to squeeze in time for my business and time to contemplate so today Tuesday has become tiresome already. At the moment due to a minor medical complaint I have been unable to exercise and I have been unable to do my morning walks for about 5 days now. I miss the freedom it gives me, the solitary time where I can walk without noise, see the beginning or the end of the day. There has to be a balance and today I do not seem to be able to find it, I have even had a coffee to ‘perk’ me up.

Reading this I think I have to move from tiresome Tuesday to toughen up princess, if I have time to write my blog then I have time to do everything else. Enjoy your day no matter what sort of a Tuesday it is for you.