Today’s Farming experience is brought to you by the swearword using Letter A

Today is brought to you by the letter A

I have decided to do my life on the farm in Sesame Street style, and give credit where credit is due. It has come from yesterday where I spent the better part of my day making phone calls, taking phone calls, feeding baby Jack (Black the Angus bull), helping to move Angus cattle, freezing (as we had no fire wood) and sitting in my car on the road watching our lovely boys ‘steers’ with a ring in sheep who thinks he’s a steer walk up the road with no stress and little noise. It was I may say warmer in my car than in my house, opening and closing the gates, opening and closing the car door, opening and closing the house doors I have decided I need to laugh at some of the things I do and participate in and observe everyday in the country so today is brought to you by a swear word using the letter A.

This is a country lettering system so there are LOTS and LOTS of expletives, and I mean lots and lots, it seems in talking with my country girlfriends it is standard to hear language that would make my father and mothers ears curl. Me I now find it all boring and have asked him to stop swearing at inanimate objects, but I will preface each letter blog with a warning.

“Warning this blog contains words that may offend and make your ears bleed (if you could hear it) and make you laugh out loud. that can’t be helped as it would mean you would have worked out the word and the code associated with it or can envisage the action”

You can imagine how many A**holes there on the farm, they come in all shapes and sizes, we have over 2000 Animals and apparently people whom we have never met can be one of them. I find some off putting, especially when tagging cattle there seems to be at the end of the day much pooh on my face from their asses as they shake to get away from you and there are lots of holes one can fall  into (like the one that ruptured my Achilles) but one I find slightly off putting is the Auger. It is an essential tool in transferring grain from one implement to another. It can be a really dangerous tool of trade and farmers have been known to lose limbs, hair etc from lack of safety shields that do not even exist with this necessary tool.

The “grain auger” is used to move grain from trucks and grain carts into grain storage bins or for putting seed into the air-seeder to sew the seed into the ground. A grain auger may be powered by an electric motor, a tractor, through a power take off, or sometimes and internal combustion engine mounted on the auger. In less modern augers by rope pull diesel driven engines (they are at our place). One end has a hole that things come out of the other has a rotating helical ‘screw’ that turns and moves the grain up into the shaft and out of the hole, where there is no cover and can run until the engine is stopped rather than with an obstruction.

So you can see here the letter A is apt to this farmers tool, I have heard of men being lifted or pulled into the auger when clothing has caught – I can imagine something as tame as A**hole will no longer apply it would be far more serious. I am lucky we do not use this A**hole on a daily basis only at seeding, to inoculate the vetch and sewing so it is a 3 to 6 monthly tool. It then lives in ones eye shot near the machinery shed waiting till the next time the rip cord is pulled and everything goes awry.

But I know those of you who are in the business would say you have forgotten the obvious use of the letter A in Agriculture, Animals, Agri-food, Agri-business Air-seeder which doesn’t get as much attention as it is a useful piece of machinery that rarely breaks down etc  and I could list many more things but the next one near and dear to the farmer and his wife is the Antacid.  Antacid doesn’t stop the swearing but it does reduce the reflux and bile rising from the anger of the auger or being sworn at whilst you help with the transfer of grain and allows one to drink more wine. Then I will give it to the farmer at meal times so he can sleep without sitting bolt upright in the middle of the night with reflux from stress

I would love to read about your day in the life of a letter A.


Cooking!! there is no glamour in this chore

It this really busy world where women and men are out working, being parents, playing sports, being on committees and numerous other roles unmentioned in this blog. There is always that nagging feeling when coming to the end of the working day, even if you do not work in paid employment after a day working, it comes to about 4pm and your mind starts thinking about the dreaded chore of preparing the evening meal. Remember the ‘frustrated Chef‘ from ‘Sesame Street’ well cooking daily makes me feel like this

There is no speech by your parents when you grow up about how laborious this chore is, yes they talk about sex, making babies, financial responsibilities and school and growing up but my mother never told me how this could be the worst chore ever invented and how necessary it is to daily functions. My mother also never told me how frustrating it is when you ask people in the house what do they want to dinner and have responses like “anything as long as I’m with you” as nice as it sounds it’s a cop-out. In Australian language that means I have no idea and I’m not prepared to offer any suggestions, this is frustrating to say the least, or what would be nice occasionally is to have someone say, “I know” and get up and prepare it and present it themselves.

We sit and watch shows like ‘Masterchef‘, ‘My Restaurant Rules‘, Huey’s kitchen and every other ‘lifestyle’ program has a cooking segment on it and we (pardon the pun) devour these shows, in my case I love some of the dishes and want to see who wins, that’s the competitive nature in me coming out there. But sometimes these dishes they don’t relate to normal life do they? Who really has the time (other than paid contestants) to spend 5 hours preparing meals? Not me I could not think of anything more boring. Preparing and presenting a perfectly cooked meal, consuming it and then CLEANING up.

There are some days when I think, can’t I just go and buy dinner? I live where there is no identifiable (no golden arches) fast food places within 150kms or in American terms 93.20 miles so when I do feel like this I rely on the trusty freezer, to have meat, oven fires and frozen vegetables and normally use this opportunity to do a mixed grill, rump, fillet or lamb chops which I will crumb, eggs from our chooks, sausages either our beef or lamb, then bread cooked in our bread maker and frozen oven fries cooked in the oven. This really is our choice, I don’t keep frozen ‘fast foods‘ like hash browns or others, these can be high in fat and salt.

But sometimes just sometimes I would love someone to come in and cook and clean. The last time farmer was out for dinner I cooked a microwave bag of popcorn and ate that, nothing else but white wine with it. When we travel to the city to see family and friends it normally is for a celebration so food is part of this shared experience, I have a family of cookers, they bring salads, hot vegetables, desserts and we cook either a leg of lamb or roast some of our beef. There is nothing nicer, but if we dine out, I note farmer goes for the seafood or steak, I normally go the steak option, it is just nice to have food prepared and presented to you. We also like Asian foods which I also cook when I feel I have time, but overall home cooking is always much more flavor some and healthy for you than ‘fast foods’ but for the convenience fast foods will win this mental trauma every time and this is back by the statistics, people would rather drive through than shop in.

My advice, find a great fresh home delivery company that will bring fresh fruit, produce and meat to your door, plan your meals so that you only order what you know you are going to eat. This will help reduce the high calories intake and save you from opening your purse. Put that money towards a long desired holiday where, when you get it you can PAY someone to cook what you want and clean up.

frustrated chef