Tiresome not to confuse unemployment with boredom

How does one cope when they find themselves through different means, unemployed? Though the Director of Nursing job was interim, the Project Manager position was a couple of days per week but in the best interests of the hospital the position has been ‘deferred’ until a better financial structure has been put in place. This is fine with me, I will not be a hypocrite and moan after spending months trying to raise dollars to help support it, I will continue to work behind the scenes doing this.

This does not make me a martyr – I do not mean to offend by using this word as I said, it does not relate to me, there is not a religious sacrifice or any other sacrifice involved to this extent with the Keith Hospital. Though in recent years this word has been related to those dying for their cause, but that is a topic for another day.

I struggle living in a country town not having work to do, though it is nice to spend time with DH,  I struggle being at home with him all day. He has lots to do and he goes out all day working in the area that he loves. He is a man of the land it is in his blood, he loves the animals, the hard work and finds nothing more satisfying than coming in at the end of the day face covered in dirt having accomplished his tasks. I on the other hand am not a farm worker, though I help out where I can, I can drive tractors to help shift things, pull vehicles out of being bogged, move hay bales to help feed the animals, I can’t do fencing without supervision due to the surgery on my hand many years ago. The plate and the pin in it give me grief if I do too much. I can shift cattle, sheep and open and shut gates but this is a very small part of life on the land. I do the book work and arduous tasks at the best of times. For all my friends who have businesses and do BAS statements it is time-consuming and at times extremely frustrating.

Unemployment gives people around you a false sense of what you are doing. I am still actively involved in doing the cook book for the Keith Hospital and Amy P our designer is doing an absolutely outstanding job – also in her spare time. We saw the first draft copy last night and now it has spurred us on to getting it complete, we have planned a launch and will start talking with book shops soon so that they are ready for purchase by Christmas. I have to work to do to help the process so will complete this today. But my main worry is where do I find work and earn an income to remain as independent as possible? We live far enough out of the township that I get comments on if it doesn’t pay your fuel bill why do you bother? I bother because I want to, wanting is not enough to give independence, financial or otherwise or create a job out of thin air. I am not bored as you can read three is much to do and I made the mistake this morning of asking for help to do the insurance claims that I know nothing about. Looks like it will be a long morning, lucky I have the afternoon to do the cook book commitments.

my awake thoughts

I have now taken to sleeping approx 4 hours per night, I know the reason for this but can not stop it. There are outside environmental things that contribute to this and I know I am not alone in having awful sleep times. I blame many aspects of my life for this and many things in it, one of them is the Golden Retriever Pete. Since he relocated himself to the farm, my DH got in a single bed mattress and placed it at the foot of our bed so that is where he sleeps. He has taken to waking up about this time and walking to our sliding door to either look out or to be let out. I hear him do this mainly as one of the shed cats Matilda walks with him meowing at him as he goes. She is exceptionally close to Pete, she has taken to sleeping up near his head every night and bringing him presents (occasionally half a rabbit, a mouse or any other morsel she feels he needs).

I get up to check on him and let him out so I lie awake until he comes back to be let in otherwise he lets out an enormous bark that has my heart racing for hours. I also wake because DH rolls or flip-flops a lot. he does not wake up but he does roll over, I shall be purchasing a King Size bed soon as I feel I am being pushed out and it drives me nuts. I like sleeping by the open door as I seem to heat up during the night and if the door isn’t open I have woken because I dream I am cooking in an oven (no ageist comments allowed here 🙂 ) I have even gotten up and showered to cool down even on mind nights.

I wake because my mind is active with all things, daughter, family, friends, Keith Hospital    issues, planning meetings doing agendas, up skiling myself and how on earth do I fit all I do in the day light hours. I use to get up and walk said Golden retriever every day winter or summer on the beach and found this was a great way to meditate, I have not done this for years due to his aging condition. he is coming up 15 and struggles to walk the KM’s I use to. I now leave all my clothes in the bathroom, get dressed and sneak out before he knows I am gone, that is the advantage of him having significantly diminished hearing, he does not hear me  quietly close the door. He has looked perplexed on occasions when I have arrived home and woken him.

I worry, I think, I stress and whilst saying this I have realised I have not taken my blood pressure medication this morning – drat! I have a Keith Hospital Action group meeting tonight so will not be home before 830pm, I hope I have the scripts in the car. I hope my minds stops soon as my body is beginning to feel the effects of 4 mornings in a row and 11 hour work days. Enjoy the nights and the days

When you think you can never get it right

There are times in one’s life that you can look back and regret the past, long for the moment “back when”. Then there are times where you love living in the moment, enjoying all things you create and friendships you’ve nurtured, these then become that fabric of times past and longing. Why look back when one should be living for the now. I have been married 5 years today, something I never thought I would ever do, I never saw myself in a white dress being married. I don’t know why I never dreamt of this event or saw it as an option or never really took seriously till I was a lot older.

I didn’t go into my marriage thinking about some fairytale life I was about to have, it was a 40 degree day in the midst of a drought with a fire on the next property. I went into thinking we were good friends and we liked each other enough to take that next step. It has not been without its difficulties as anyone in a relationship will tell you, but basically it has been based upon respect and trust. The basis of these feelings is the Foundation of love one feels for another person, it is very different to the love one has for a child but it is still enough grounding to work from and towards. We were lucky we could invite everyone we cared about, those people who made up the chapters of our lives and combined them for one big weekend party. We had the Birdsville mob come in, Friends from Sydney, Melbourne, Marcus and his wife Amy flew in from Sydney even though her lovely parents were in Australia from England. My daughter came up from Adelaide with my sister who flew in from Queensland, this was really special as it has been the only occasion she has come to the farm. Some of my friends and I have lost touch but this does not mean I think they are not my friends, this is just a part of life that goes on. We love, learn and expand, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong it just changes and one then gets the luxury to reflect upon one day in your life where you want things to go well.

I am not great with dates for this is just a number and my DH can tell me more about what happened on what day than I ever can. One thing he is good at is remembering our wedding anniversary, I read that it’s wood, I don’t think I can wear that but I can cook on it. At least with all the things I get wrong in my life this is not one of them. I did get it right being married to a kind caring loving man and having a life. Being a mother to a successful beautiful daughter is the highlight of my life, I feel totally blessed. For those of you that came to our wedding day, we thank you it was a great party…

Kevin is a bully can’t people see that?

My DH (Dear Husband) thinks I am enjoying the spectacle of the political undertakings, Julia squirming, Ministers having political dummy spits & Kevin well then there’s Kevin. I am hearing the words “micro-manager” “insular” “solo decision manager” “temperament & inability to have decisions made”. Not enough support yet as I said to DH is what they are not saying is that all these words amount to bullying. Why are they not saying it? is this because this goes against all of their Industrial Relations Laws. Bully’s should be dismissed immediately but as in this case it came from the top and when you are in a bullying situation it normally comes from the top. Think the previous David Jones Manager – besides sexual harassment it is bullying. There will be out cries from the Rudd supporters, nothing wrong with Micro- Managing – some managers have lots to share  – which is disguised term for “do it my way or put up with the constant harassment, phone calls and exclusion.

We know he is a bully so why are they covering it in shades of grey? this would be because all Political Parties would have to be accountable for how they treat each other as examples to all employers all over the country. The Leadership spill is just the tip of the iceberg and should be taught in schools as classic bullying that is never resolved nor identified. Bully’s aren’t defined by size shape or position they are just people who think they “know better” “know more” “feel threatened” “taller” “shorter” “fatter” “thinner” “male” “female” and just plain mean and manipulative. We have all experienced this person, they are egocentric “but I’m meant to take responsibility for that” was a statement I was told once despite the fact I considered us a team and was only assisting as they were busy doing other things.

Bullys are also “victims” of their own press and self belief and they normally can not see or recognise the effect they have on others. I am thinking how dare they, he hold up in a 5 or 6 star hotel in America on the pigs back sucking the taxpayers money, he resigned all privileges should be revoked immediately and he should be given the bill. Never alone left to sit in this hotel racking up bills for himself and now the poor staff that would effectively be out of a job as he resigned his position. Selfish and a bully.I can’t think of 1 boss I have ever had that would have allowed this behaviour, approved a person to have asleep over in a hotel, get 1st class tickets to return after starting the fight. She in a 5 star hotel overlooking beautiful Glenelg beach, seeing her Mum I can get, when you are bullied, terminated, happy or sad some of us look to our Parents or significant others  for emotional support. She is in a no win situation, not saying she is without blame but it is really poor form on his part. She the boss – is this sexual harassment on his part? would he be doing this to another man?

I feel cheated, my vote discounted, there will be hours of work / productivity wasted watching the school yard, office bully to attempt to appear the aggrieved and justify his actions and reactions. We shall await the fallout it will come and it is normally swift. To all of our pollies, many of us say “stop it, call an election for we the people paying your salaries deserve better and not to be dragged into the Board Room fight” Whether you like Kevin or Julia surely you can see this episode is nothing short of bullying. is anyone else feeling cheated watching this train wreck?