the thing about ‘just’

Following on from yesterday, isn’t it funny how some things strike a chord in people whilst many things are like ‘water off a ducks back?’ that is, barely gets a first thought never alone a second one. I got lots of responses from yesterday most of them private which illustrated my thoughts, we as the human kind over think and over feel too much. What some people don’t consider as important, knocks others for a six, meaning they take it to heart so much so, it can stop them and get them thinking of responses and ‘what if’s’ for days even weeks, after the event. Most times the person who causes this has moved onto their next target and completely forgotten you along the way.

There have been times in my life where my first reaction is to come out fighting, either verbally or in writing, there have been times when some ones word have reduced me to silent tears of despair and feelings of inadequacy. This is where the old saying of “the pen is mightier than the sword”. Most of us have felt the sting of words written and verbalized in our lives. I have taken over the last couple of years to have written lengthy emails in response to some I have received, sent them to myself or a friend and asked the question of myself is this what you really want to say or to my friends should I send this? I think if you ask that question you already know the answer is NO. The email states do not respond to this in under 24 hours so that I can think it through more but in some cases I get an immediate response “DO NOT SEND” (capitals) “CALL ME INSTEAD” inferring urgency in their response.

Most of them have the word ‘just’ in them, like “I just need to let you know…” well actually I don’t, it should be “I want you to know” or “I am letting you know” any of the following is better than using the word ‘just’. ‘Just’ by it’s definition denotes some characteristic or according to the dictionary “based on or behaving according to what is right or morally fair”. Isn’t this sometimes an oxymoron? especially when you know the perpetrator is anything but fair, and what has been stated or leveled at you is nothing like the situation (as you understand it) or witnessed it but the other person has gotten in first to paint themselves in a better light.

Perhaps we need to remove ‘just’ from our language or speech as an operating theatre nurse , we would have to state to the closest male or female “I am just ducking out to go to the toilet.” as they needed to be aware that you were no longer there to help. It took me a long time to stop asking / telling people what I was doing when I first changed careers. People would look at me and say “I don’t need to know that.” Well in my old occupation they actually did, as you would have to get some one to relieve you so no patient was put in danger.

There was an email Tuesday sent to me under false pretences, using or responding to a previous happy email sent a week earlier (going by the subject matter). There was nothing in this email that was about the subject matter and in fact it gave me statistics and a personal opinion of what they thought (it wasn’t nice) about me, in actual fact it made me laugh which is not what I think the writer wanted. There certainly was an expectation that it would affect me, perhaps make me respond back but I laughed out loud. It made many assumptions from a third hand comment passed to this person and missed the whole base of the original concept. It actually affirmed many things for me as the initial question was not even touched upon. It also made me think I wonder why the writer thinks that I would care about the opinion that they expressed about me would affect me, trust me it was designed to upset me and it didn’t upset me. I do not hold them in the high esteem that I once did so perhaps they weren’t aware that I felt this way but the email had a couple of ‘just’ in it.

I am going to try to work in my world without ‘just’, because I can. I can set an experiment to see if people respond better, more honestly or perhaps make myself included think about my conversation so that the messages I want to get across do get there without moral interpretation. “say it like it is” I wonder how hard that will be, let me (‘just’) think about this for a while. 🙂

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