I sometimes hear myself talking to people and repeating things that I can tell by my own tone, that I am either bored with or for me the speaker I have deemed it has become boring. Do you hear the tone of your voice changing other than in anger? I can identify it in myself, if I become snappy, higher pitched or lower pitched or even sigh before I start to speak, this is sometimes in response to a question, that I have moved on from the topic, not a good way to keep a conversation alive is it?
I find it not necessarily confined to one person or one topic, nor do I select the receiver of my ‘bored behaviour” I just know when it starts to occur. to all of you out there “it’s not personal”. I am unsure if it comes down to the repetition of the story, though I do find if I have to repeats things often I start condensing it, cutting really boring bits of information out (those quips or words that I can’t be bothered repeating) or worse still starting a conversation and then stopping it and moving on.
As most of our conversations are about people, places, opportunities, family, work related and media topics we have a plethora of information at our fingertips that we can digest, disseminate and become involved in. Years ago before I moved to the country I had what I considered a dynamic groups of girlfriends where we use to spend some of our time at a personal trainer talking about magazine articles as if those women were our friends, we dissected the Brad & Jennifer (I did say a while ago) marriage & divorce and Scarlett woman Angelina as if we were their bestest friends ever. This was not only funny but on occasions these were safe and light-hearted topics we could all contribute to. We also went to learn the art of golf but alas I think we put the pro off as one day he asked what was wrong with one of us, being that we could ‘bounce’ our humour off each other we started “her bum looks big in that” “she wasn’t wearing a matching outfit” and that “her hair wasn’t neatly done” he did not find that funny as he was talking about her ‘swing’ and he cancelled us the following week (and forever). The four of us did admit part of our golfing aspirations was buying the outfit (which we never got around to) and spending time together.
This was the time before Facebook & twitter, it was a time we read, google was all about looking at the opposite sex or confined to those wearing glasses, all we knew about windows was having to clean them, look through them and cover them. Post was where you put the stamped letter into the red box and typing was about becoming secretaries. Where our career options were, sewing, nursing (which I took up) and secretarial work till we became domestic goddesses (housewives & could sew all of the families clothes to make an important contribution to the household) and mothers. We learnt the art of conversation at play lunch, no such thing as mobile phones, we carried $0.40c in our pockets for emergency pay phone calls so we had to talk to each other, we had to use our voices, no texting and note writing was confined to the ‘occasional Love letter’ in class or writing to ‘pen pals’ from all over the world.
So now our conversations can be done in 140 characters ‘twitter’ and many people are really clever and smart at this. It is amazing how much information can be sent and understood in 140 characters. Facebook gives about 250 comfortably before the characters ‘disappear’ from the post and it gives you the “see more” so you can complete it. But looking at my face book page most of my ‘friends’ can impart knowledge and post what they need you to know or not know without too much stress and none of this involves the spoken word.
So in writing this I wonder if my frustration is at the lack of condensing of the conversation (which I admit I do) or it really becomes a topic that is ‘wasting air space’? Are you like me in that sometimes the topic has ‘died’ before other people are ready to leave it alone? In asking questions and offering answers are we subjecting ourselves to carry on conversations that we don’t want? yet to have a conversation is about engaging, listening and talking, only face book and twitter can be one-sided for if you don’t like any of the response you can ‘block’ ‘unfriend’ ‘delete’ or sneakily keep them as a friend and untick the box “show in news feed” this I have found out stops anything from that person coming onto your page. My sisters and I will sometimes say to each other “yep this is now wasting time you will never get back” or “lucky I was sitting down for that piece of news” when we tell each other something that is known or shows expected outcomes for a conversation or it underpins the story as one that needs to be moved on or becomes boring. How long does it take for you? me I think 3 times is a charm after that, I look for something new.