This week seems to have been a week for me, one that should I have to repeat I will ‘opt out’. If I had to give it a score I would give it a 1 being that 1 is awful and 10 is to replay as often as one can and with gusto. So for me to have a 1 week is really unusual and a bitter pill to swallow, yet swallow it I did. Don’t mistake me there has been in the words of Bob Downe “Shiny Bright’s” dotted throughout, these have kept me grounded and happy but this week I have shed tears.
It has been hard to keep smiling when all you want to do is cry, the actions of others has brought back moments in my life I have wanted to forget, it has been terrible. At the time of one of the incidents I never thought it would still be with me almost 20 yrs later. It was something a ‘friend’ stated to me (in jest – in defence of this friend) in front of young children and to this day, it gets repeated back to me and every time I hear it I want to slap my friend in the face. It was a joke made in reference to my work, Pete the dog and child and where in my priority list they were placed. I worked hard as a single parent with no support from the other parent, financial or otherwise, I gave up nursing (which I loved ) to go in to sales to support my daughter and give her the education I was given, yes by choice and yes with pleasure but I had to travel, educate and do things other parents didn’t. I had to give up assemblies, plays and sometimes things I desperately wanted to be at. For those parents reading this and had to travel, there is nothing like being stuck at an airport, on a plane, in a taxi rank or just plain stuck and missing out is there? I was lucky, I have a wonderful family that picked up the slack and still do so I knew that there was support and proud smiling faces in audiences.
by Friday this week I had been hung up on, (gotta love that action) by more than 1 person when they didn’t want me to finish talking, I have been yelled out, things thrown into sinks in anger and been left standing at a function without so much as a word, just a shake of the head as I watched them walk away. It has inferred that I have not been telling the truth when I have promised something and a 3rd party has been unable to complete their end of a deal. This is by far no fault of the 3rd person as we know life throws obstacles in the way and ‘shit’ happens. But this is not the fault of the person who has arranged it so therefore one should not be expected to be accused that one is not telling the truth. I hate how when things do not turn out the way other people think they should one is accused of not being honest. I have most of my life tried to be as honest as I can, it is human nature not to tell the whole truth to save someone’s feelings, to not get into trouble to try to fix a situation before it becomes a nightmare. Most times things go left of centre but you have to suck that up and admit when you have done wrong. One thing I have never done is held a grudge or repeated incidents from times past to ‘win’ and argument. But by fuck I am soooooooooooooooo sick of being at the end of people’s actions.
The highlights have been just that high lights, I have worked at Keith Hospital and like it very much, I was able to meet a special person who has gone out of his way to donate something to Keith Hospital. I have had an Action Group meeting where I was publicly thanked for all my volunteer hours and told what a great job I was doing. I have been able to offer someone employment and she is excited to be joining the team. I have walked, spent time with Pete, the dog and been able to off load on my sister, without having that support I would have been a wreck. I have shed tears in private when no body has seen or been able to comment, there are things one can not say to a partner, a child nor a friend for fear of judgement and long-term consequences like the above example.
I am a person that tries not to carry much with me but I think this week has been harder than most. To all, think about how you would feel and treat each other like this, it may be hard but it also shows respect for people you love and want in your life.